This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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