have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Bring me that man meat
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
