Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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