I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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