Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When are your genitals available?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
