This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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