Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
