they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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