Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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