I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Damn victory sex feels great
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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