I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
