so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
