This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
