She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
