I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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