Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
