it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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