I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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