i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
