no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
