Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
