I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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