I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
