this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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