i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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