I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
