All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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