Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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