Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
