i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Panties = found
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
