We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
