And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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