Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
