Kiss
Puke
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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