Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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