So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think i got beer on your cat.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
