I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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