I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
