i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
