my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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