Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
