3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Drunk is not a location!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
