oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
