you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
