And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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