i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
