I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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