Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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