I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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