that's an acceptable place to lick
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
