There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
