he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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