Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
