smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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