....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
