It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
