Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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