You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I touched a dick in church today
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
