Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
