Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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