Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
This house was built for laser tag.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
