hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
