he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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