Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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