there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
