is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
