I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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