She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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