I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
