Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
