My first STD was from a foam party
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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