he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
