You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
