bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
