That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
